Review: The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

Granted, we watched this after Hundreds of Beavers, so the bar of cinematic satisfaction had been raised impossibly high, but regardless of following a generation-defining masterpiece, this movie was just so boring. It was the most bland, generic, milquetoast, soda-crackers-with-no-cheese, dragging, anticlimactic, low stake, pathetic excuse for an action movie I've ever had the displeasure of forcing through my eye recepticals. The action sequences consistented of buff men walking calmly in straight lines while periodically pointing their gun at an angle and shooting a nazi with a magical suppressor. Dialogue was generic action-spy pseudo-nonsense interspersed with lukewarm one-liners that landed with all the grace of Moo Deng waddling away from a bath. The music was awful as well; half the tracks were just a drummer noodling around on a jazz kit by themselves; it really makes you wonder if the director was secretly the lesser known Guy Poory.

1/10, and that singular point comes from Henry Cavill's moustache and the really muscular guy's muscles.